he threw his arms around my head, pulled me closer and closer to him and relaxed completely in my arms. He moaned: "What you're doing to me! Stop it, Kitten, stop it!" I raised up just enough to say: "I want to. Make me stop if you can!" He replied and there was true agony in his voice: "I should-I mustbut, dear God, I can't."

After several minutes of intense and passionate play, Ken grasped me real tightly, squeezed me to him, and said: "Kitten, dear boy, I didn't want to do this, but now I've got to. Don't you ever forget you made me do it." With that, he tensed and quivered all over, and, for the first time, really gave himself to me completely. At once, he sagged and lay back like a limp rag. As for me, I had experienced, and thoroughly enjoyed, my first full and complete homosexual intimacy. Previously I had been only an instrument of masturbation whereas this experience was one which probed the depths of desire; it awakened in me, and at the same time taught me how to satisfy, an ecstatic passion I had never dreamed existed. Twice, before the end, Ken had tried to stop, warning me of the consequences, but he was in such a throe of passion that I, though much younger, had been able completely to control his body and his mind, and he could but lie there and let me do what I was determined to with him.

Yet the law would say that it was I who had been seduced!

Afterwards, he lay for quite a while completely exhausted, while I put my arms around him and cuddled up to him. He started to talk to me, and told me that I must never do that again with anyone. I told him I did not want to do it with anyone-only with him. He said we could not do it any more either because he could be sent to jail if anyone found out, and that we must

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not see each other anymore. I told him we couldn't do that because then everyone would know something was wrong and would wonder what had happened. He finally agreed to let me come back to his house, but only with my brother or when Billy was home. I readily agreed, because I knew that I could eventually get him to relent.

The next week I begged him to let me see him again, and when he refused I told him, with devilish cunning, that I would tell my father on him if he didn't. I was sure that he really wanted to see me again but was afraid. However, desire, and perhaps fear that I would tell, overcame his reluctance and he con-

sented to "just once more." But "once more" became "once more" and "once more" until it was a regular and frequent affair of at least once a week or whenever we could steal an hour or so by ourselves-in the attic, in the cellar, in his bedroom, or even, on occasion, in a deserted house down the street. He said to me once, "Kitten, you don't know what you are doing to yourself and what I'm helping you to do, and I shouldn't let you, but I can't stop myself." And on another occasion he made the statement which I realize now to be very true, "my only excuse is that if you hadn't met me, I really believe you would have eventually found someone else someone who mightn't have cared as much for you as I do, and might have been brutal with you." He kept cautioning me not to have an affair with anyone else.

As I have grown older I have come to realize that Ken must have known what was happening long before it did, and wanting it, perhaps as much as I, did not have sufficient will power to prevent what he really believed to be wrong. He did have sufficient will power, however, to let me develop in my own way. He was

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